How To Get Out Of Doing A FAST Workout

Listen up kids, because I'm only going to explain this once.

You probably think, based on my past blog entries of torturous FAST workouts and begging for mercy and being abused by my coaches that there is just no way to get out of doing a FAST workout; that the coaches hold guns to our heads and make us run til we pass out. But this is not true! There is a way to be exempt from the insanity. And it's oh-so-simple!

Get injured.

That's right. You see, our coaches take injury very seriously. If something hurts or doesn't feel right, they will actually tell you to not do the hard workout. I learned that first-hand this week. And you know what?

Not doing the hard workout is BORING. I want to do the hard workout!

Now, you all may be wondering how I managed to get myself injured enough to get out of a FAST workout. Suffice it to say, I'm a big klutz. During my long run last Sunday, I slipped on a patch of loose gravel less than a mile from the end of my run, and took a pretty nasty spill on hard pavement. I ended up with a bloodied knee (even with two layers of pants on), two twisted ankles, and a strained left quadricep. I didn't realize my quad was strained until a couple days later, when my ankle pain went away. But when I could hardly bend my leg and my thigh felt like it was made of stone, I knew I was in trouble.

I decided to test the waters on Tuesday with an easy 5 miles outside on the golf course. What should've been easy actually felt quite difficult. My legs had no get-up-and-go. It felt like my legs weren't even working together. I ran my 5 miles at a slow 11:16 average pace, but felt like I was working much harder than I should have to for that pace. I doubted I would be in any better shape for FAST the following night.

So when I arrived at FAST last night, I told Coach Brad about my little accident and my quad issue, and he immediately instructed me to not do the hard workout, but to just run easy instead. The workout I missed was a good one too. In fact, this is the second time I have missed out on this particular workout. The first time was while I was tapering for the Icebreaker Marathon.

The workout-I-didn't-do consisted of 3 x 10 minutes of alternating 1 lap hard, 1 lap easy. In between each 10 minute set, there was a 1-minute core exercise and a 1-minute recovery. According to the FASTies who have run this workout, it's tough. And I believe them, because I've seen them do it and they look like death by the time they're done. Cute death (because us FASTies are cute), but death all the same.

I love a good tough workout, and I'm bummed I've missed out on it twice. But you guys know me; I will make this workout up at the next possible opportunity.

Instead of alternating hard and easy laps for 10 minutes at a time, I ran 10 minutes at a steady, moderate pace. I ended up running a total of 6 miles for the night, at a 9:57 average pace (including warm-up and cool-down), and I felt better overall during this run than on my Tuesday slog. I stretched my quad extra-good afterward and it seemed to be a bit more mobile than before.

Fast-forward to today and my quad is feeling even better still. There's some residual stiffness, but it's much less than yesterday, and my range of motion is improved. I went for a run on nearly the same golf course route that I ran on Tuesday, and was able to run 0:55 per mile faster, for an average pace of 10:21. It appears that running is curing my injury! Now, I don't recommend this approach for every injury. The main point to remember is that my injury wasn't caused by running. It was caused by falling. So the best way to recover from a falling injury is to simply avoid falling again. I have managed to avoid falling since Sunday *knock on wood*, and I think this has been key to my success. My knee still looks like someone took a meat tenderizer to it, but otherwise, I'm mostly recovered.

Now the next three weeks will be a test, as I will be uncoached and unsupervised. I don't know what to do with myself! As someone who coaches other people in running, I find it odd how much trouble I have putting together a training schedule for myself when it's so easy for me to do it for other people. Maybe it's just more fun to tell other people what to do. I think all of my coaching clients will agree that I do seem to take sick pleasure in telling them what to do. It's just not the same to tell myself what to do.

So, who wants to boss me around for three weeks? Any takers? I would be willing to pay for quality coaching with homemade cookies. Please submit your qualifications and a sample training plan in the comments below. And also your favorite type of cookie.

Peace. Love. Train.

PMS (Post-Marathon Syndrome)

People don't like to talk about PMS - it's one of those taboo subjects that we avoid in polite conversation. But I think it's time we really take an in-depth look at this debilitating condition, as it affects so many runners like me.


Signs and Symptoms

In the first 12 to 16 hours following a marathon, symptoms are generally mild to moderate and may include fatigue, difficulty walking, and stiffness and soreness of the lower extremities. In cases involving a personal record (PR), there may also be severe smiling and excessive elation during this period, which may lessen the perceived severity of the other symptoms. From 16 to 72 hours after a marathon, symptoms often worsen and may include the following:

• Severe muscle stiffness and soreness
• Swollen pride
• Inability to descend stairs
• Inability to sit down without upper body assistance
• Excessive medal-wearing
• Excessive hunger
• Strong urge to either (a) sign up for another marathon right away or (b) never run marathons ever again; occasionally the patient may fluctuate radically between the two urges.

Causes

Post-Marathon Syndrome is caused exclusively by running marathons. There are no other known causes.


Diagnosis

If PMS is suspected based on a thorough physical examination, further testing is required to confirm the diagnosis. The most reliable test is the MRR Scan (Marathon Race Results Scan). A qualified medical professional should review the scan to determine if the patient's name is on the results list. If the patient's name does appear, the diagnosis is confirmed.


Prevention

Preventing PMS involves abstaining from marathons completely. While simple in theory, this can be exceptionally difficult for many marathoners as they may have a serious addiction to marathons and shiny medals.


Treatment

A patient suffering from PMS will recover more quickly if treated early. Early treatment options include stretching, massage, ice baths, and drinking beer. In some cases, consumption of chocolate chip cookies has also been shown to aid recovery. If PMS is not diagnosed until 16 hours or later following a marathon event, symptoms will be more difficult to treat. The most successful treatments at this stage of the illness are lying in a supine position on a sofa or bed, researching potential future marathons, the use of NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medications), and drinking more beer. Additionally, purchasing professional marathon photos has also been shown to be helpful in many cases, except those in which the patient does not photograph well. In no case should the patient ever be separated from their medal. To do so could result in injury to the medical professional.


Prognosis

Most cases of PMS can be cleared in less than one week with proper treatment. More aggressive cases, usually brought on by running multiple marathons in rapid succession or by running ultra-marathons, may require a slightly longer recovery time. Mortality is low. PMS is often a recurring condition and it is likely that patients diagnosed with the condition will suffer from it multiple times in their lives. This chronic condition is known as Marathonitis. There is no known cure, but standard PMS treatments will be useful in managing flare-ups.


I hope you have found this educational and useful. Awareness is the key to helping those suffering from PMS. If someone you know is exhibiting symptoms of PMS, the best thing you can do is ask to see their medal and act really impressed. Remember, marathoners are people too.

Peace. Love. Train.

Madness of a different kind

No, I'm not talking about taper madness.

I'm talking about the madness that comes from really, really, REALLY wanting to run, but being unable to due to Mr. Rhinovirus and his cohorts in crime.

'Tis the season for colds and flus and all manner of icky illnesses, and I thought I was going to make it through unscathed. I was doing all the usual precautionary things - eating lots of fruits and veggies, washing my hands obsessively, opening doors with a paper towel, avoiding sick people, or spraying them with Lysol if I was forced to be near them, ingesting overdose quantities of Vitamin C. You know, all the normal germ-prevention stuff.

(For the record, I don't really spray people with Lysol, although I have been tempted to... )

But alas, there is something nasty afoot in the Greater Peoria Area. It has no mercy. It has taken down people who claim to never get sick. Like my optometrist, who had to cancel my yearly eye exam due to being sick for the first time like 40 years. Like my massage therapist, who had to cancel several days worth of appointments, which I know is not something she takes lightly. There is nowhere to go for eye exams or massages in this town! If this isn't a state of emergency, I don't know what is.

And like me. I never get sick. The last time I was sick... well, I don't even remember it, that's how long ago it was. I had some sniffly head thing when I was training for the Flying Pig, but I'd hardly call it "sick". I managed to run 16 miles in the middle of it, so I definitely wasn't sick. But this thing that's going around right now... it made me SICK. Lying-on-the-sofa-trying-to-moan-but-can't-because-I'm-too-busy-blowing-my-nose-all-the-live-long-day-and-that's-all-I-have-the-energy-to-do sick. I felt like I had been hit by the proverbial bus.

The worst part of it was I just couldn't run. I barely had the energy to walk down the hall to fetch a new box of tissues. I certainly wasn't going to be running the 10k race I was hoping to run on Saturday, or the 14 mile long run I had planned on Sunday.

So I did the next best thing.

I watched other people run from the comfort of my couch. Yes, I sat (and sometimes lay) on my couch and watched the Florida Ironman competition (when I would've been running the 10k race), and the New York City Marathon (when I would've been running 14 miles).

It was good, in that I think I got my heart rate up a little bit cheering for various athletes. ("YAY SHALANE!!! *cough cough hack*") But it was bad in that it just made me want to run even more. I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to just try to run. Just to see how it would go. I thought to myself, Maybe I'll miraculously feel better! Maybe I'll discover a previously unknown talent for running while completely unable to breathe!

Yeah, right. *snort*

Maybe I'll end up in the fetal position on the ground by the side of the road, hoping for some kind stranger to help me figure out how to get home. Knowing my luck, I would instead end up with a dog using me as a fire hydrant.

And so I was forced to rest my weary germ-infested body for a full six days before I attempted to run again.

When I finally did go out for that first glorious run, it went something like this:

start run * cough* run run *cough cough* run run run run run run *cough* run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run finish *cough cough cough cough cough cough cough*

If anyone saw or heard me, they were probably a bit alarmed by all the coughing. But it wasn't a bad thing - the run just loosened up my phlegm and I needed to hork it up. Oh I assure you, that's every bit as attractive as it sounds. Later that evening, I felt much less congested. And thus the healing power of running is proven once again. Every day I run some more, and every day I feel a little better.

My first run after six days of madness. I'm sure I set some sort of land-speed record for running while coughing.

And so my madness comes to an end, hopefully for a very long time. Well, at least until my regularly-scheduled taper madness begins again. That'll be in January, in case you're wondering. Consider yourself warned.

Peace. Love. Train.

Random Post-Marathon Thoughts

Recovering from a marathon gives a runner a lot of extra time to think about stuff. I feel like this is a good place to write all those thoughts down. Warning: this will be random and may seem nonsensical at times. Read at your own risk. If you haven't read my Chicago race report, now's a good time to do it - it may help this post make a teeny bit more sense. Maybe. Eh, probably not. But it's worth reading anyway.

1. I distinctly remember running over two dead rats during the marathon. In two different places. Is this normal for Chicago? Were the rats already dead before the marathon, or did they get trampled to death by the elites?

2. And while we're on the subject of gross things about Chicago, what was the deal with the sewer gas smell? I'd say a good 25% of Chicago smells like sewer gas. The other 75% smells like fried food.

3. I need a redemption marathon. Not that getting a PR wasn't great. But I need to prove to myself that I can run a marathon in under 5 hours.

4. I'm worried that I'll just keep inching closer and closer to 5 hours without actually going under, so I'll be stuck in a seemingly endless schedule of marathons and all my toenails will fall off and when there are no toenails left, my fingernails will start falling off out of sympathy.

5. Charity Village is too freaking far away from the marathon start/finish area at Chicago. They should provide shuttle buses. Or roller skates!

6. I think I would enjoy being a volunteer at the Chicago Marathon next year. I bet I would be the best water-cup-passer-outer they've ever had. Maybe if I proved myself worthy, they would promote me to Gatorade-cup-passer-outer. Or the highest honor, Gu-passer-outer.

7. I ran 2 miles on Tuesday - my first post-marathon run. Was I not supposed to? Hal Higdon says no. Hal Higdon says don't even think about running until the Thursday after your marathon. Oops. Sorry, Hal.

8. You know, I'm not sure I really care that much what Hal Higdon says. He also says no races until 4 weeks after your marathon, and I'm doing a half-marathon in less than two weeks. Take that, Hal Higdon!

9. Hopefully I don't collapse in my half-marathon and have to deal with Hal Higdon standing over my broken body, waggling his finger in my face and saying "Neener neener, I told you so!"

10. I really shouldn't have smiled for all the cameras on the marathon course. I actually look like I was having fun at Mile 20. I mean just look at these pictures. It's so misleading, because I was actually having a near-death experience at that point and as I was walking into the light, I was filled with a sense of joy and peace. I wasn't joyful about the marathon, I was joyful about an eternity filled with all the cookies I could ever want.

Mile 18-ish: Giving thumbs up to Jesus as I go into the light

Mile 357 (or so it felt), walking and miserable, but still smiling for the camera. Also, that girl in the yellow shorts wearing the same shirt passed me all cheerful-like, saying "GREAT JOB! YAY OAR! You look GREAT!" and if I had had the energy, I would've stuck my foot out and tripped her.

11. I bet running through Chinatown is really cool when you're not too delirious to appreciate it. I vaguely remember some Chinese-looking buildings. And some dragons. But it's entirely possible I hallucinated these things.

12. The shoes I wore for the marathon are covered in all these nasty bits of white stuff. What is this stuff? It almost looks like little paper spit-wads. Were spectators shooting spit-wads at me??? Why would they do this?

13. I have already been researching marathons for my next 26.2. I can't decide if I want to do another one soon, or wait a year. If I do one soon, maybe I can get that sub-5:00 goal out of the way quickly and move on to other (shorter) things. If I wait a year, maybe I'll get faster so that sub-5:00 is that much easier to achieve. Or maybe I should just sit on my butt and eat cookies.

14. The Chicago Marathon medal and the official race t-shirt both leave a lot to be desired. I have half-marathon medals that are way cooler looking. And they cost way less money and time to earn. It's like the Chicago Marathon is the Gucci of marathons - even though their gear is kinda ugly, people pay a lot of money for it because it says Chicago Marathon on it. Incidentally, the medal I got from OAR was cooler (in my opinion) than the actual marathon medal.

Chicago Marathon medal - meh

OAR Medal - cool ribbon!

15. I'd like to run a race in every state. Not a marathon in every state, because that's a LOT of marathons. But a race of some distance. Preferably races with state-related themes. I wonder if there's like a Spud 7-Miler in Idaho... Or maybe a Hula Half-Marathon in Hawaii.... or perhaps a Tornado 10k in Kansas.

16. Along the marathon course, they were handing out water-soaked sponges. These sponges had been sitting in water-filled kiddie pools. I'd be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind to skip the sponges completely and just dive right into the kiddie pools.

17. I can't believe how quickly I've forgotten the pain of Chicago. Already I want to run another marathon? Am I completely insane? (That's a rhetorical question - no need to be so enthusiastic about answering it, people.)

18. OMG, so I'm sitting here Googling marathons (yes, this is how I spend my recovery time) and I think I found my next marathon! Check it out! It's the Icebreaker Indoor Marathon. That's right folks, an indoor marathon. 95 laps around an indoor track. Oh, you laugh now because it sounds ridiculous, but when you read all the awesome reviews, you'll want to run it too. Come on, you know you want to!

19. Well, I'd love to sit here and think up more random thoughts, but I gotta go figure out my training plan for my next marathon. See ya!

Peace. Love. Train.