You had to be there...

Seriously. You just had to be there. There was so much going on at FAST last night that I am not sure I can adequately capture it all in one lousy blog post. Where do I even begin? Well, at the beginning, I suppose.

And the beginning is a confession: I wasn't even going to go to FAST last night.

*collective gasp from readers*

Yes, yes, I know - how could I even think about missing out on a fun-filled FAST adventure? Well, the heat index was, and I am not making this up, 108°F. ONE HUNDRED AND *insert swear words* EIGHT! I emailed Coach Brad to see if he could tell me what the workout would be so I could go and do it in air-conditioned comfort on the treadmill. He emailed me back and said I would miss out on the newspaper reporter who was coming to do a story on FAST.

Hold the phone.

A chance for fame and glory??? Suddenly 108° didn't seem that bad after all. Surely I could endure a little heatstroke for a moment of fame. I put on one of my cutest running outfits and showed up to the park ready for my big interview.

As it turned out, the reporter showed up sans photographer, so my cute outfit was for naught. But I did get interviewed, and of course I said all sorts of wonderful things about FAST and how it's helped me reach new heights in my running. Apparently the photographer will be showing up to a yet-to-be-determined FAST practice, which means I'll have to always have cute outfits ready to go. This may require some shopping. Pity.

The reporter interviewed several FASTies, and then the coaches sent us off on our workout. The good news: it would be short due to the excessive heat. The bad news: it would involve the Hill of Death. Given the fact that I was sweating buckets just standing around, I was concerned the Hill of Death might live up to its name.

The 2 mile warmup wasn't so awful. Oh, don't get me wrong - it was miserably humid and hot, but at least I was able to maintain forward motion without passing out. I got to the base of the Hill of Death and grabbed a drink of water. Well, more like a half-gallon of water. And then I proceeded to do the Hill Of Death march. I gave a few words of encouragement to fellow FASTies Nikki and Tim, who looked a little uneasy about running the hill (I believe my actual words were "Come on, you pansies!"). Trust me, if you knew Nikki and Tim, you'd understand why this approach works on them. They took off and passed me on the way up the hill. They may be pansies, but they're speedy pansies.

We all finished the Hill of Death successfully. And nobody puked! I could tell Brad was a little bummed about that. After the hill, we were instructed to run a 1-mile pseudo-cooldown... "pseudo" because we were supposed to throw in a couple of pickups, and also because it just wasn't possible to get cool in 108° weather. So the workout ended up being about 3.5 miles which is fairly short for a FAST workout. Believe me, I'm not complaining. And I'm sure the coaches will make up for it soon enough... like Thursday.


After I returned from my cooldown, imagine my surprise when none other than Coach Bekah showed up! She had hip surgery back in June and is just now getting back to weight-bearing activity. Here she is with her good friend, Mr. Crutch. Also pictured are Tim's legs - nice, aren't they?


Bekah has been spending her recovery time watching lots of movies. Not being able to move much and basically being confined to a recliner for weeks and weeks has turned her into quite the movie aficionado. She was telling us about some of the movies she's watched...

And that's when Nikki decided to tell us all about a movie that she recently watched. *insert scary music* I captured most of her description on video, but this is a family blog and I think the subject matter is highly... um... nauseating. So I will simply tell you the name of the movie, and you are free to Google it... or not (and I would highly recommend NOT Googling it - consider yourself warned). It's called The Human Centipede. Nikki launched into a 10-minute narrative describing this movie in painstaking detail. The video footage I took alternates between Nikki's animated description, and the horrified expressions on the faces of the FASTies. But what I found most alarming was that she said, and I quote, "It was like $6.99 on OnDemand and we were like, why is it so expensive? Is it porn? So we totally ordered it!" Interesting. Well I think we all learned something new about Nikki last night. If there is enough demand for it, I may post my video on YouTube. But I will not embed it here.

While we were standing around chatting about exceptionally disturbing movies, Coach Brad made a new friend. See it? There, on his head?


Why it's a cute little butterfly! In true Snow White fashion, Coach Brad can call wildlife to himself with just a song. As you may recall, Coach Brad witnessed the rare pooping deer, which is something that only someone who is truly one with nature could ever experience. Last night was no different, as this butterfly fluttered onto Brad's shoulder, and then onto his hat, and sat there for quite some time. It probably didn't intend to sit on Brad's head for so long, but was weakened by the stench of sweat and Gatorade. Poor thing.

So that was Tuesday night FAST in a nutshell. Whew. I'm exhausted from all this story-telling. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I need to go shopping for more cute running clothes because I have to be ready for the newspaper photographer!

Peace. Love. Train.